I Want To Know What Love Is
by SeriouslySkullFlap
Summary: MerMark Fic Starts in Season 2 Episode Yesterday We will see things through the minds of Meredith and Mark.
1. Chapter 1

Meredith

Who is this guy and who does he think he is sneaking up on me like that? "Sensitivity, I like that in a stranger. Are you new here?" He's hot, a little bit too cocky though.

"Visiting. Confounded by all the rain and it's only my first day in town." Doesn't he know the reputation of this city? He's obviously not from around here.

"You get used to it."

"Makes me wanna stay in bed all day." Wow is he persistent. He is flirting already and I don't even know his name.

"We just met and already you're talking about bed. Not very subtle." Am I flirting back? Ha, I guess I am.

"Subtle has never been my strong suit. So, do you ever go out with co-workers?" Shit, I knew it was too good to be true. I am not going through that awkwardness ever again. I have learned my lesson.

"I, um, make it a rule not to." God damn it, why do I have to have morals?

"Then I am so glad that I don't work here." Oh…I am intrigued. His cocky attitude is so cocky that it's actually becoming sexy. How does he pull that off? It's probably that body. Hmmhmm, I'd like to get him naked in an on call room. Shut up, Meredith, get a hold of yourself. Play it cool.

"Are you hitting on me? In a hospital?" Yeah, that's cool. He doesn't suspect a thing. I hope I am not blushing.

"Would that be wrong?" Not in the slightest. Here is where I make my move.

"Meredith." Holy shit where did that come from? Derek? What the hell did Derek just punch that guy for? "What the hell was that?"

"That was Mark." Oh…OHHH that Mark, crap.

Mark

I have been here for an hour and already I hate this city. Does it ever stop raining? It better not ruin my jacket. How the hell am I going to find Addison in this place? Wow, who is that? I must have her. I don't even know what I just said. I hope she was impressed… "The guy's pretty much a goner right?"

"Sensitivity, I like that in a stranger. Are you new here?" Good, she's game. She's feisty, I like that.

"Visiting. Confounded by all the rain and it's only my first day in town." Maybe she'll feel sorry for me and take me in like a lost puppy or something or a handsome man looking for action. Either way.

"You get used to it." I like her attitude.

"Makes me wanna stay in bed all day." Why does it make me smile every time I say the word bed to a beautiful woman?

"Subtle has never been my strong suit. So, do you ever go out with co-workers?" Wait, what? I don't even work here. I just came to take Addison home.

"I, um, make it a rule not to." That makes no difference to me.

"Then I am so glad that I don't work here." I would have sex with me if I could, that was a great line and perfectly executed. I deserve an award.

"Are you hitting on me? In a hospital?" Oh please, honey, like you don't enjoy it? I see right through you.

"Would that be wrong?" I just can't contain myself. Oh look she's turning. She's smiling. I think we have got ourselves a winner.

"Meredith." BINGOO------OUCH!!! What the fuck was that? "What the hell was that?" My sentiments exactly!!

"That was Mark." Derek…crap.

Meredith

I cannot believe Derek punched Mark. What the hell was he thinking? Chief Webber is going to have his ass for this. There were a lot of people who witnessed it, including patient's families. I can't do this. It would kill Derek if I slept with Mark. Wait who said anything about sleeping with Mark? Oh hell, who am I kidding? If he asked, I wouldn't say no. I can't wait around for Derek forever while he's sleeping with his wife. I need to think of myself for once, nobody else but me.

Mark

I can't believe he punched me! I can't believe it hurt! Derek was never one to hit anyone. I never knew he had it in him. It must be the girl. Meredith. I should kick his ass just on principle. If it ever got back to New York that Derek Shepherd punched me they'd never let me hear the end of it. As soon as I stitch my face back up I have to go find Addison. There is no way I am letting an intern do it, I cannot afford to have a scar on my perfect face.

Meredith

Alex, George, Izzie, and Cristina are watching the goings-on between Meredith and Mark in the exam room. 

"Why is he suturing his own face?" George asks. 

"To turn me on," Cristina replies, not taking her eyes off of Mark.

Alex rolls his eyes, "Cause he's Mark Sloan. He's like the go-to plastic surgeon on the east coast." 

"That's the guy Addison was sleeping with?" George says. 

"You can't really blame her. Can you?" Izzie asks with a smile on her face. 

"No, not really," Cristina smirks.

"Yes you can," George snips. 

Meredith walks over to them, "McSexy wants an X-Ray to check for fractures and I think it's a bad idea if I take him." I would jump on him if I did, I just know it. I can't afford to get involved with him, it has bad news written all over it. He's here for Addison, not me. Why do they all want her?

George panics, "Why? Why?" 

"I'm on it." Alex rushes off. 

George clears his throat, "Why is it a bad idea?" 

"McSexy??" Cristina asks. 

"No?" I thought sexy is perfect.

"McYummy?" Izzie suggests.

Meredith & Cristina both say, "No." 

I've got it, "McSteamy."

"Ahh there it is."

Izzie giggles, "Yep." 

"Oh, I'm just choking back some McVomit." George says, disgusted.

I am so torn on what to do. I need to stop thinking about it. If he wants me, he can take me. I need some sex anyway. He looks like he'd be amazing in bed. Then he'll go back to New York and I will never have to hear from him again. If Derek finds out that's his problem. Oh god, what am I saying? I can't think this way, I just can't. I am too damaged. I am too hurt. I can't get involved with anyone even if it is for one night. It hurts too much. It hurts too much to be with anyone but him. I need time to heal.

Mark

Is this guy talking to me? Should I be paying attention? No, he is nothing. A mere intern. I don't care what he has to say. I just met the guy and he's sucking up. It's annoying. Good, there are no fractures. I have half a mind to sue his ass anyway. No, that would mean I would have to come back out to this god forsaken city. It's not worth it. Is this guy still talking to me? Holy shit, get out of my ass, son. No, there is no way I would move out here. I am taking Addison with me and I will never see this place again. Wait a second. Did he just say Craniodiaphyseal Dysplasia?

Mark

Addison, there she is. Ugh, so is Derek. That guy is everywhere. Was he this in the way back home? Good he's gone. Shit, she is running too. I have to stop her. She can't get away this easy. Not after what I have done to come here and take her back with me. "Oh come on, you're not even a little bit happy to see me?" How can she act like what we had meant nothing? Just like that it seems like she forgot everything.

"Go home! Whatever it is you came here to do, just drop it and leave." Drop it? How can she expect me to drop it? Doesn't she know how much I love her?

"Hey we all make mistakes Addison. All 3 of us…"

"Mark." No, don't let her interrupt.

"…but somehow, somehow I lost my best friend and the woman I loved."

"Please don't say that." She wants to act like it meant nothing. She wants to deny what we had.

"He doesn't know how we felt. He doesn't know you stayed with me after he left? How do you expect to work out a marriage if you can't even be honest with him?"

"Why are you here?" Isn't it obvious?

"For one reason. To bring you home. I miss you Addison." Please say you'll come, please, I need this.

"I'm in love with my husband Mark." Bullshit!

"But he's not in love with you. He's in love with that intern and he's not even trying to hide it. Why would even want to stick around for that?" Yeah walk away, you'll see I am right. You will be miserable and lonely. I am not waiting around forever for you. After tonight, I am going home.

Mer

What a miserable human being. I don't know why I even went to see him. Mom was right, he's nothing but scum. How dare he ask me if I need anything? I NEEDED a father, that's all I ever wanted. Not just a father, I wanted my father. He just proved to me once again I don't need him. I need something. I need a drink. I need a lot of drinks. I need to forget. I need to forget everything. There is no Derek, no Thatcher, no mom, no nothing I want in my thoughts right now. I need nothingness. I need peace. I need tequila.

Mark

I don't think Derek is every going to forgive me. I guess life will never be the same. She looks so sad. Is it because I am here or because of him? I can't even tell anymore. "Your marriage is over Addison. All you have to do is admit it. And you can come back home with me. I'm going to the bar across the street. Meet me there." Please make her come. I don't want to live without her. I can't live without her. Why must I be tormented? What have I done to deserve this? Why don't I ever get a chance to love and be loved? He gets it all. There she is, Meredith. Do I go sit down next to her? She looks so alone.

"This seat taken?" Of course it isn't taken, it's empty.

"I guess not." There she goes with the attitude again.

I need a drink. "Double Scotch. Single malt. You look sad."

"I just saw my father for the first time in 20 years." Ouch. So the perfect girl isn't so perfect after all. Maybe I should tell her about my father. No, she won't care. What does it matter? I am leaving in a few hours anyway.

"How'd that go?"

"Could've gone better. What are you still doing here?" I don't even know anymore.

"I'm hoping Addison shows up."

"You're still in love with her?" I wish I wasn't. It hurts too much.

"You're still in love with him." So there.

"She won't show you know." I know. I just was hoping this time it would be different. I can't have all the bad luck forever, can I?

"No?" I still want to believe. All I have is hope.

"He's not the kind of guy you leave if you can help it." No shit. What's so good about him anyway? I know him better than anyone. If they all knew things would be different.

"What if you're wrong? What if just this once … life comes down on the side of the dirty mistresses?" She looks so beautiful. She's so alone. Those eyes, there are pain in those eyes. I can take that pain away. Tonight. Just for tonight I could be the one to take that pain away. If only it is for a short while. If she'll have me. "Do you want to get out of here?"

Meredith

I wonder how many more shots Joe will let me have before I am cut off. I don't want to stop tonight. I don't want to go home. Not to that house. Not to the place that reminds me of how I feel right now. I want to be anywhere but there. I'd rather spend it here where I can just get away.

"This seat taken?" Great, just what I need. I suppose I will let him.

"I guess not." Maybe I could use the company, I don't know anymore.

"Double Scotch. Single malt." Ha, heard that one before. "You look sad." Don't I always?

"I just saw my father for the first time in 20 years." One of my many problems.

"How'd that go?" I don't even know what I was expecting from it anyway.

"Could've gone better. What are you still doing here?"

"I'm hoping Addison shows up." Poor guy, doesn't he know?

"You're still in love with her?"

"You're still in love with him." I can't help it. I wish I wasn't. It hurts too much.

"She won't show you know." That was harsh, I shouldn't have said that.

"No?"

"He's not the kind of guy you leave if you can help it." She will never leave him. He's too…he's too Derek. I feel bad for him. He looks so broken.

"What if you're wrong? What if just this once … life comes down on the side of the dirty mistresses?" I wish that were the case. It just isn't. People like us don't get good things. We just have to accept it. People like us just have to deal with it and roll with the punches. People like us just aren't meant to be happy. "Do you want to get out of here?"

There it is. The question. Do I take him up on it? Maybe tonight he needs this. Maybe tonight I need this. He's leaving soon anyway so it won't hurt to be each other's comfort even if it is for a little while. Maybe I don't want to be alone tonight. Maybe this is what I need in this moment. "You got a hotel room?"

"I could get one." Let's go.


	2. Chapter 2

Meredith

Maybe I can sneak out without him noticing. I need to go home before going to the hospital. I can't show up in the same clothes as I wore yesterday, it's too suspicious. Maybe I can make it into the house without Izzie and George noticing I am gone. I doubt it, they know everything. I am sure George is knocking on my door right now asking me if I need some coffee. When I don't answer he will open the door and see my empty bed and know something is up. I wonder what they will think.

I wonder if he is a light sleeper. If I move will he wake up? It doesn't matter. I need to go no matter what. Should I say something to him or just leave? I am just going to leave so it's not awkward.

"Where do you think you're going?" Crap, I guess he is a light sleeper.

"I have to go to work. Thanks for last night, really." It was amazing. How could Addison not take him back after that?

"Yeah you too." Ok this is awkward. I definitely shouldn't have agreed to stay the night.

"Um, have a safe trip back home." Oh god, could I sound any more retarded? Just shut up and go. I still have to go home first.

"Yeah, thanks." Why aren't you moving? No, you can't go for another round. You don't have time. You can't afford to have an after sex glow at work. It would just cause a problem. Like this won't cause a problem anyway? No, Derek won't find out. Mark is going to leave and I won't have to worry about this ever again.

"Bye, Mark." I hope I didn't sound too sad when I said that.

"Bye, Meredith."

Mark

Oh god, I drank too much last night. My head is pounding. This is not going to be good for the plane ride back. Huh? Does she think I am going to let her sneak out like that? She doesn't even have the decency to say goodbye? Wait, what am I saying? I would do the same thing. I do it all the time. Can't say I blame her. The morning after is always pretty awkward.

"Where do you think you're going?" Don't sound so nasty or desperate or anything. Don't sound like you enjoyed yourself. Just shut up, you're leaving. It meant nothing.

"I have to go to work. Thanks for last night, really." No, thank you. It was just what I needed. It made me forget just for the night.

"Yeah you too." That was lame. Just let her leave. This is getting more and more awkward by the second.

"Um, have a safe trip back home." She doesn't want me to go. No, yes she does. No, no, she doesn't care either way. Stop being a bumbling idiot. You should be thinking about going back to New York alone, nothing else.

"Yeah, thanks." I am disgusted with you, Mark Sloan, totally disgusted. This is not like you at all.

"Bye, Mark." Finally.

"Bye, Meredith." Don't go.

Meredith

George walks out of the kitchen with two mugs, one in each hand. He slowly walks up the stairs so he doesn't spill any on the runner. He gets outside Meredith's door and kicks lightly with his foot to knock. No answer. "M-Meredith?" he says in a half whisper.

"She's not here, George," Izzie says as she stands in her doorway. George flinches as he is startled by Izzie's sudden comments. He didn't know she was standing behind him.

"She didn't come home last night?"

"Nope. I went in to check on what bar animal she brought home this time and no one was there."

"I hope she's ok."

"I'm sure she's fine. We would've gotten a call if something was wrong."

"What if she's dead in an alley somewhere?!?!"

"Nice, George, real nice."

Oh crap I can hear them talking in the hallway. So much for sneaking in. I have to take a shower. Might as well face them now before it's too late.

Meredith walks up the stairs. Izzie and George both turn towards her and they hear her creep up the stairs. George runs over to Meredith and throws his arms around her. "You're not dead in an alley!" he cheers.

What the hell is he talking about? "Of course not, George, I was only gone for the night." Maybe they won't ask.

"So, Mer, where were you and who were you with?" I knew Izzie wouldn't let it go. Lie lie, need to come up with a lie. Er, the hospital? Yeah I guess I could have been at the hospital.

"The hospital. I was in the gallery for a surgery that went way longer than expected." Yes, that was perfect. Now hurry to the bathroom before they ask anything else. I hate lying to them.

"I'm really glad you're ok, Mer." Good ole George, always looking out for me. I didn't mean to worry anybody.

"I need to shower really quick and then we can go." I almost don't want to shower. That would mean washing off the most magical night I have had in a long time. It would mean washing off his scent from my body. I don't want to wash it off. I want to keep it there so I can always remember. No, this is crazy talk. I need to shower, I am filthy and I must reek of sex. George is too naïve to realize but I am sure Izzie noticed. It will just have to remain an unspoken understanding because I am admitting to nothing. Ahh, the water feels good. I definitely needed this shower.

Mark

Maybe I could stay a few more days. I really feel like shit. I don't know if I can handle the plane ride home right now. The seat next to me will be empty. The seat I paid for. The seat she was supposed to be in. There will be nobody there. I don't think I can handle it. Not today. I can't handle the rejection today. I still can't believe Derek punched me in the face. I should stay and make him miserable just for that. Last night was amazing. No, I can't think about it. It's something that happened once and never to happen again. But how can I not think about it? She rocked my world. Not the other way around. For the first time I was the one being taken care of. I think it felt good. Stop, stop it right there. Thinking this way will get you nowhere. I am getting on this plane. I am going home.

Meredith

He's looking at me that way again. He's looking at me like he has something to say. I don't want him to look at me. I don't want him to say it. I just want him to leave me alone. He did this. This is all his fault. I hope I don't get stuck with him today. I can't bare to look him in the eye after last night. I need to walk away. I can't. I'd rather be in the pit than face him today. I'd rather run labs. I'd rather do rectal exams. I'd rather be anywhere else but here in this hospital with him today.

"Meredith, wait!" Derek calls out to her as she turns away from him and starts walking in the opposite direction down the hallway.

Don't turn around. Pretend that you don't hear him. Just keep walking.

Derek puts his hand on her shoulder to stop her. She quickly turns around and shrugs his hand off of her and gives him a dirty look. He has no right to touch. Not anymore. He puts his hands up in the air. "What? What do you want, Derek?" Why won't he let me be? Doesn't he see what he is doing to me? I can't look at him.

"I wanted to make sure you were ok." What would possibly make me be ok? What the hell kind of stupid question is that?

"Seriously? Are you seriously asking me this question?" Don't yell at him. He's still your boss. You're still at work. Calm down. Breathe.

"Meredith, I…"

"Shut up, just shut up. How dare you ask me that question? How dare you….after what you have put me through. You are the last person who should be allowed to ask me that question. No, I am not ok. There, you happy now? I am not ok and it's all because of you. I hope you're happy. I hope you got the answer you were looking for." That is yelling. You weren't supposed to be yelling. He deserves it. He deserves it and he knows it.

"I'm sorry." Why does he continue to torture me like this?

"Just leave me alone, please." I wish Mark were still here. He could take away the pain. He understands. He understands what I am going through. To love another who doesn't love you back. To watch them love somebody else. To have them look at you the way they should be looking at their wife and yet still wind up alone. He knows.

Mark

I cannot believe I missed my plane. My luggage is on that fucking plane. Stupid bladder. Stupid busy bathroom. I am so stupid for not wearing my watch to keep track of time. What the hell am I going to do now? The next plane out isn't until later tonight. I am not staying in this airport until then. I could try another go at taking Addison home. What's the use? She doesn't want me. I just wasted my time in coming here just like everyone said. It's raining, what the hell can I do when it's raining? The question is what is in New York for me really? Should I even go back or try it out here? Would they give me a job? I am Mark Sloan, of course they would. Would it be too painful to see her with him every day? Was last night a sign…a sign that maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel after all? Here is a taxi. Should I get in? He is waving me in. "Seattle Grace Hospital, please."

Meredith

I should be paying attention to this surgery. I know I am in the gallery just to hide from Derek but I really should be watching. I shouldn't be day dreaming. That is not what I went through med school to do. I went there to become a doctor, not to day dream about a one night stand. Cristina is down there, my best friend Cristina. She is in the OR. The least I can do is pay attention. George is looking at me. I wonder if he knows. That's ridiculous, he can't know. Stop being paranoid, he is just being George. I shouldn't have let him leave. What am I saying? I need to get out of here. I need fresh air. I am getting out of here. I'll go sit in the courtyar---OUCH! "Watch where you're going!" Oh shit, it's Mark.

"And hello to you too, Meredith." Wow, he remembered my name. What? Of course he did, why is that such a shock to you?

"Sorry, I didn't see you there." Isn't he supposed to be on a plane to New York right now? "What are you still doing here?" Don't sound like you don't want him here.

"I missed my plane. Busy airport bathroom, it gets me every time." Don't just stare at him say something. Say anything. You probably look like a drooling moron. Ok seriously, Meredith, you need to say something.

"I was just heading out for some fresh air. Do you want to join me?" Please say yes, please say yes.

"Sure. I am not taking you away from anything important am I?" This is not the same person Derek told me about. He seems caring.

"They'll page me if they need me. Right now I need fresh air."

Mark

I can't believe I am back in this hospital. What am I doing back here? Addison is not going to take you back. She's made that clear. Stop torturing yourself and just go back to the airport and wait for the next plane. There is the chief. Maybe I should ask talk to him about working here. No, you need to go back home. Your best suit is in that suitcase. Stupid, Mark, so stupid. You are thinking of giving up because of a suit? You don't deserve to call yourself a man. There is a beautiful girl here that you had an amazing time with last night. She is the reason you should stay. What if she isn't interested? We said it was just for the night. You took a chance coming out here for Addison. What's one more? Oof, shit, I just walked into someone. Meredith.

"Watch where you're going!" There's that feistiness I love so much.

"And hello to you too, Meredith." She seems happy to see me. That's a good thing.

"Sorry, I didn't see you there." Don't apologize, it was my fault. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. "What are you still doing here?"

"I missed my plane. Busy airport bathroom, it gets me every time." Or maybe just this time. Maybe I was meant to miss that plane. Maybe it's fate.

"I was just heading out for some fresh air. Do you want to join me?" Of course. I would like to do nothing more than to spend more time with you.

"Sure. I am not taking you away from anything important am I?" Do you really care? No not really. It sounded good though.

"They'll page me if they need me. Right now I need fresh air." As do I.


	3. Chapter 3

Alex, Izzie, and George are on their way to the cafeteria when they pass the courtyard where Mark and Meredith are talking. Izzie stops short once she sees them. Alex and George both slam right into the back of her. "Dude, Iz, what the hell did you stop for?" Alex says and he rubs his elbow that smacked with George's.

"Meredith is sitting with McSteamy," Izzie whispers. George and Alex both look over in Meredith's direction.

"You have got to be kidding me," George says.

"So Sloan came back and I think I know why," Alex says with a smirk.

"Wait until Dr. Shepherd sees. We may get round two," Izzie says.

Alex sits down at a nearby table, "I am not missing this for anything."

"I'm hungry, Alex," Izzie whines.

"So go get food. I'll save you guys a seat. Get me something too." He hands her some money and they walk off to get food.

Meredith

Ask him to stay. Just ask him to stay. Maybe it doesn't have to be a relationship. Maybe it can just be a friendship. This is someone you need right now. I can't. I can't be falling for him. Not so soon. This is what got me in trouble last time. No. I will not. I can not ask him to stay. "So did you really miss the plane because of the bathroom?"

"I may have let a few people pee before me." Why do I find that adorable? It's kind of gross when you think about it. Mark standing in the airport bathroom telling people to pee before him. They probably think he's some kind of pervert. Ha, he is but not for those reasons. "Why are you smiling? What's so funny?" Crap, he caught me.

"I am just thinking about you in a room with a bunch of men with their pants down." Haha, that really is a great image. Oops, he's not smiling. I guess it's only funny to me.

"I come back here to give you a break from your problems and this is how you repay me. You laugh. I am hurt." What a big baby. I can tell he's joking. And what does he mean give me a break? Last time he did that we wound up naked.

"Is that so? How long do you plan in staying?" Crap, you're not supposed to be asking to stay you idiot. I just want to know. You can't. Is that Alex over there at that table? That little sneak, he's watching us.

"I don't know. There is this girl. I want to have sex with her. I just don't know if she'll be up for it…again." That smile. That smile is so naughty. I love it. How could you say no to that? You can't. See where it goes. It may be good for you. What if I get hurt again? I don't know if I could handle it. Try, just try.

"She might be." What? Why did you say that? Don't let him in. "Do you want to come to my place tonight?" Meredith! What are you doing? And why did you just yell at yourself in third person. I can't help myself. I need to heal. He is the one who can heal me. It's just sex.

"I'd love to." Derek is going to die when he finds out. Stop. Stop thinking about him. He doesn't care about you. Yes he does. It doesn't matter. He made his choice. "Are those your friends over there watching us?"

"Yup, those would be them." How are you planning on keeping this a secret if you invited him to the house? Did you forget who lives there with you? Shit, Derek is coming. I have to get out of here. "Come on we have to go."

Meredith quickly stands up and grabs Mark by the arm. He gets tangled up in the chair but finally gets free. He tries to keep up with her as she gets further away from him, still holding onto his arm.

"I should get going anyway. I have to meet with someone. Meet me at the bar across the street when you're ready. I promise I won't get too drunk." Meeting with who? Who else could be possibly know out here? Ok time for damage control.

"Ok see you then." Why do I have this uncontrollable urge to kiss him right now? Don't do it. You're at work. Just walk away.

Mark

What am I doing here? This is a mistake. You shouldn't be doing this. Then why does it feel like this is the right thing to do? You're only asking for trouble. I think trouble is what I want right now if it includes her.

"So did you really miss the plane because of the bathroom?" Well yes technically I guess. What does it matter? I am here, that should be all that matters.

"I may have let a few people pee before me." Is she laughing at me? I don't see what is so funny about that. It's romantic! Ok, maybe it's not. "Why are you smiling? What's so funny?"

"I am just thinking about you in a room with a bunch of men with their pants down." Now that's just nasty. Dirty dirty girl. She seems to always find new ways to turn me on.

"I come back here to give you a break from your problems and this is how you repay me. You laugh. I am hurt."

"Is that so? How long do you plan in staying?" She's interested. She wants you to stay. That proves it right there. She wouldn't ask if she didn't care.

"I don't know. There is this girl. I want to have sex with her. I just don't know if she'll be up for it…again." Forward. That was very forward. I hope she doesn't take offense to it. If she wants me to stick around she might as well get used to the way I talk. She is smiling. That's a good sign. It means she's not totally disgusted with me now.

"She might be." See, what did I say? She's interested. "Do you want to come to my place tonight?" Wow, even I wasn't expecting that. Should I go? I don't know. Hey that rhymed. Anyway, I don't know if it's such a good idea.

"I'd love to." So much for not knowing, idiot. You're not even going to take a minute to think this over? You are making a big decision, a decision that will change the course of the rest of your life. Here you sit in an instant and just make that decision like that. It's too late now, you can't take it back. And what the fuck are they looking at? "Are those your friends over there watching us?"

"Yup, those would be them." Nosey. They're nosey. Look at them staring at us like they're watching a movie. I don't know if I will be able to deal with them every day. "Come on we have to go." What? Go Where?

Meredith quickly stands up and grabs Mark by the arm. He gets tangled up in the chair but finally gets free. He tries to keep up with her as she gets further away from him, still holding onto his arm.

"I should get going anyway. I have to meet with someone. Meet me at the bar across the street when you're ready. I promise I won't get too drunk." Have I told you lately how much I love you, Mark Sloan? That smile. That smile is worth it all.

"Ok see you then." Should I kiss her goodbye? No, it probably wouldn't be right. Maybe tonight. Oh look she walked away. That would've been awkward. Good move. Time to meet with the chief.

Mark

I think I have changed my mind. I can't do this. I can't leave it all behind. I need more time. He isn't in here yet. I still have time to leave. Why aren't my legs moving? Stand up, you idiot. Just walk away. Go home. You can get sex like that back home. You don't need to stay here to get it. Ok, I am getting up. I am walking away.

Mark stands up to leave just as Richard walks in. Mark sits back down in the chair.

There is no turning back now. "Dr. Webber, I am sure you know why I have arranged this meeting."

Nods and says, "You want a job here."

"I do. I bring my talent and reputation with me. I assure you that you will not regret hiring me." I haven't had to do this in a very long time. I hope he sees through my bullshit. Job interviews suck.

"Although I am impressed with your reputation and your accomplishments I am a little worried about you getting punched out in the hallways of my hospital again." If Derek is the reason I don't get this job I am going to kill him.

"I will take care of Derek. I know how to handle him."

"Apparently not." Ouch, I deserved that.

"This is your hospital is it not?"

"Yes." Putty in my hands. There is no way he's saying no after that. Mark continues to look Richard straight in the eye as Richard stands there deciding his fate. After what seems like forever Richard finally smiles. "Welcome to Seattle Grace." Richard extends his hand to shake Mark's, Mark shakes it.

Ok…now what?

Meredith

How am I going to get Mark into the house without Izzie and George noticing? There is no way I can. What was I thinking telling him to come over? I probably should've warned him first. I'll tell him when I pick him up. That should give him plenty of warning. I should probably be paying attention to this surgery. Addison has no idea he is still here. She's just standing there with a scalpel thinking all of her problems just left on a plane to New York. She is going to be so pissed when she finds out he is still here. Crap, she just said something to me and I have no idea what it was.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't hear you." She is going to have my head for this. How embarrassing.

"I said are you ok, Dr. Grey, you look a little out of it," Addison says, her annoyance shows in her tone but she tries to stay as calm as she can.

"Yes, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, I am fine. I just zoned out for a second." Why? Why did you tell her you zoned out? You should've just told her you were fine. She's going to kick you out. Good, I don't want to be in here anyway.

"You can just zone your way right out of here then. I need someone who is going to be alert at all times. This is not a game, Dr. Grey." I deserved that. It's still embarrassing. Ugh, what a bitch. She didn't have to say it like that.

Meredith doesn't defend herself. She just turns on her heel and leaves the OR.

Meredith

Do I tell Izzie and George he is coming over? How am I going to tell Mark we won't be alone at the house? What a mess I got myself into this time. I really need to start thinking things through before I agree to them. Where is my shirt? I can't find my shirt. "Has anyone seen my shirt?"

Cristina holds it up. "It was in my locker for some reason." She throws it to Meredith.

I have to tell them. They're going to find out sooner or later. I might as well warn them. Ok how am I going to do this? Words words words, what words do I use? "Um…" Crap, I can't do this.

Izzie looks at Meredith confused, "Yes, Mer?"

I can't. They're going to judge or something. It's going to get back to Derek. No I can't tell them. "Never mind. See you at home." That was horrible…seriously horrible.

Meredith walks out of the locker room without saying another word. She hopes not to run into anyone on the way out of the hospital. She just wants to pick Mark up and make it home before George and Izzie got there. She gets onto the elevator and of course Derek is there.

Just what I need…Derek looking handsome in my favorite shirt. Why must I be punished like this? What have I done to deserve such torture? I won't make eye contact. It still hurts too much to look at him. This silence is deafening, I can't handle it. Say something. Say anything. No I don't want him to.

"So…what are you doing tonight?" Derek asks.

Is he seriously asking me this? Out of all the nights I just went home and cried…the one night I am going to have his ex-best friend over he asks me what I am going to be doing. Lie, I have to lie. He is not ready for this yet and I am not sure I am ready to tell him either.

"Having a friend over." It's almost the truth. No, it is the truth. Good job.

"Anyone I know?" Does he know and he's just toying with me? Or is this some very scary coincidence? There is no way he could possibly know. He thinks Mark left. The only person that knows he is still here is me. Don't look at him. Just say no but do not look at him.

Meredith looks at him. Pain. There is pain in his eyes.

How can he be the one looking like that? He is back with her. He should be happy. I am the one who is in pain. He has no right. "No you don't."

The elevator doors open and they both walk out.

Mark

I will look like such an idiot if she doesn't show up. She has to show up. There is no reason for her not to. She asked me to come over, not the other way around. I am sure she is just in a surgery that ran late. Or maybe one of her annoying nosey friends is talking her ear off. It sure is loud in here. I think I am going to wait for her outside.

Mark walks outside and shivers in the cold wind that blows. He left his jacket at the hotel.

Ok it's colder than I thought it was going to be. I hope she gets here soon. There she is. She looks amazing.

"You shouldn't be out here without a jacket. You could catch cold. It's a good thing I am a doctor. I could take care of you." If we weren't in public I would jump on you right now, my dear.

"I am not really used to the weather around here yet. With time I'm sure I will." Was that subtle enough?

"Yet? Is there something you're not telling me?" I knew she'd pick up on that. It's just the way I was hoping she'd react.

"Later, I'll tell you later. Let's just get going, I'm freezing."

They get into Meredith's truck and drive off.

"Mark, there is something I need to tell you before we get to my house." Holy shit, that doesn't sound good. What could she possibly need to tell me? Don't panic, it's probably not that bad. Don't overreact before you even know what she's talking about.

"I have roommates." Oh is that all? That's not so bad. "They work with me at the hospital." Oh well this complicates things a bit I suppose. I don't think it should be too bad though. They are her friends, not Derek or Addison's.

"That's not a big deal."

"Seriously? Oh good, because I was worried you'd freak out or something." How could I freak out when you're looking at me like that?

"Everything is perfect." You are so corny. Shut up.

Meredith

Wow it got colder since the last time I was out here. I am glad I dressed warmly. Do I walk over to Joe's to get him or should I pull up? I think I am lazy today, I am going to pull up. I hope not too many people are at the bar. I don't think I can handle the rumors right now. Is that him standing outside? Is he wearing short sleeves? He's nuts.

"You shouldn't be out here without a jacket. You could catch cold. It's a good thing I am a doctor. I could take care of you." What are you doing? Stupid lines don't do anything on a man like this. He doesn't need this flirty bullshit. He's a straight forward kind of guy. Stop trying to be cute, you've already got him where you want him.

"I am not really used to the weather around here yet. With time I'm sure I will." Did he just say yet? I could've sworn he just said yet.

"Yet? Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Later, I'll tell you later. Let's just get going, I'm freezing." Later? Fine I guess I can wait until later.

They get into Meredith's truck and drive off.

"Mark, there is something I need to tell you before we get to my house." Great, way to go Meredith, now you're making it sound like you're going to tell him you have a penis or something. Could you have sounded any more sullen while saying that? You're going to freak him out.

"I have roommates." Ok he didn't say anything. I guess I should elaborate. "They work with me at the hospital."

"That's not a big deal." It's not? Then why the hell was I so worried? I really need to stop thinking so much about things. I am just going to make myself go crazy.

"Seriously? Oh good, because I was worried you'd freak out or something."

"Everything is perfect." It is isn't it?


	4. Chapter 4

Meredith

The lights are on, this means they are home. So much for being undetected. Maybe they'll both be in their rooms. No, I just saw Izzie in the living room. Alright I might as well go in and get this over with. I am sure he is now wondering why we are still sitting in the car.

Meredith smiles at Mark and they both get out of the truck. She opens the door and of course Izzie spots her right away.

"Hey, Mer, I made dinner," Izzie cheerfully says, not even noticing Mark walking through the door yet.

Do we eat dinner or just go upstairs? I am hungry but I think it would just be too much right now. "No…thanks, Iz, we are just going to go upstairs."

Izzie quickly looks to Meredith's left to see Mark standing there. Her eyes get wide and she can't hold in her smile. "Ok, Mer, have fun."

Oh god, Izzie how embarrassing. I gotta get to my room before George sees. Maybe I should have asked Mark if he wanted to have dinner. Where are my damn manors? That was so rude of me. He doesn't look like he cares much.

They walk into Meredith's room without any more interruptions. They both sit on the bed leaning their backs on the headboard. At first there is silence, not awkward silence, just silence.

No one is saying anything. I should say something. What do I say? Why isn't he saying anything? There has to be something to say. God, Meredith, stop being an idiot and just talk to him. Talking is important for any relationship. Wait we aren't in a relationship. I don't really know what this is. I really really suck at this.

Finally Mark speaks up, "So um, I'm going to work at the hospital now."

What? Wait this hospital? My hospital? With me? As my boss? This can't be happening. "Seattle Grace?" I think my voice just squeaked. Way to go, moron.

"Yeah I met with Richard today and he offered me a job and I accepted." This is good news right? It's good, it's what I wanted. It's what I wanted and now I have it. He's going to stay. I think I am happy.

"Great." Is that all you can say? You're hopeless. He's looking at me. I can't read him. What is he trying to say? Those eyes, there is dirty in those eyes. I don't think I want to talk anymore. Talking is overrated. "Let's just fuck."

Mark

The roommate thing really isn't a problem. It's not like we are going to be hanging out with them or anything. We are heading straight to the bed room. We have been sitting here for an awfully long time. I wonder if she is getting second thoughts. Maybe she doesn't want them to know about me. It's too late for that, I just saw someone walk by the window. I think it was that hot blonde.

Meredith smiles at Mark and they both get out of the truck. She opens the door and of course Izzie spots her right away.

"Hey, Mer, I made dinner," Izzie cheerfully says, not even noticing Mark walking through the door yet.

Oh god, I hope she says no. I don't care if I haven't eaten all day, I do not want to get stuck having dinner with anyone tonight. I am here for one person only. "No…thanks, Iz, we are just going to go upstairs." Thank you so much.

Izzie quickly looks to Meredith's left to see Mark standing there. Her eyes get wide and she can't hold in her smile. "Ok, Mer, have fun."

Oh I intend to. Do you think she wants to have sex tonight or if she actually wants to try getting to know each other? Is this considered a date? I don't know what this is. I almost forgot how I ended up here in this position. We were joking about sex…that settles it, we are having sex tonight.

They walk into Meredith's room without any more interruptions. They both sit on the bed leaning their backs on the headboard. At first there is silence, not awkward silence, just silence.

Well this is awkward, no one is talking. I wonder what she is thinking. She is probably just as nervous as I am right now. Someone should definitely say something and it doesn't look like she will be the first to speak up. What should I say? I guess I should tell her the good news. I just hope she thinks it's good.

Finally Mark speaks up, "So um, I'm going to work at the hospital now." How about next time don't stumble over your words, you asshole.

"Seattle Grace?" Ha, she is nervous. Her voice just went like 5 pitches higher. It was adorable.

"Yeah I met with Richard today and he offered me a job and I accepted." We don't have to tell her it was my idea. She doesn't need to know. It's not important.

"Great." Great? GREAT! She's happy. That's good that she's happy I am staying. Thank god I don't have to worry about that again. She looks so beautiful tonight. I could get lost in her eyes forever. Ew, who says stuff like that. Snap out of it, man whore. "Let's just fuck." I thought you'd never ask.

The whole day Mark had to give himself a pep talk. He knew there would be sex but he wanted to enjoy it this time. It's not that last time wasn't enjoyable but they were both drunk and it was sloppy and dirty, which he didn't mind, but he wanted this time to be special. He wanted to run his hands up and down her body to feel every bit of her. He wanted to memorize her curves with his fingers. He wanted to be able to go slow and make the ecstasy last all night. A man like Mark ordinarily wouldn't want these things but then again Meredith isn't just some ordinary girl. For the first time he feels he has found his equal. Then she said fuck me and all of that went out the window.

He tries to move slowly at first. Well he has to get her naked first. He quickly tears her shirt off over her body then he works on taking his off next. She pushes him down on his back and hovers over him. She begins to kiss him slowly. He had never felt a kiss like this before. It was so soft but it sent sparks through his body. He runs his hands up and down the sides of her body as he kisses her back. She strategically puts her knee right in between his legs and up against his cock. She knows exactly what she is doing. Giving him that little contact that makes him fully hard. She lowers herself and deepens her kiss. Her breasts touch his chest and he wraps his arms around her. He can't allow her to call the shots anymore. He wants her.

His tongue escapes his mouth and enters hers. He pulls it back out. It's his turn to tease. He runs his hands down her body once more. Reaching for her ass he puts his down her pants and pulls her unto him. His hard cock rubs against her. Always having contact with her skin he moves his hands to the front of her pants where he frantically works on unbuttoning and unzippering her jeans. While he pulls her pants with her panties down she rubs him through his pants. He is caught off guard that he almost couldn't get the pants all the way down. She kicks them off the edge of the bed and onto the floor.

Mark grabs her and turns her over onto her back. He lies down next to her on his side and continues kissing her. His hand begins at her breast, caressing it slowly. His hand slowly travels down her body and he slowly rubs his finger down her now wet lips. She lets out a moan and her kiss becomes more desperate. She reaches for his cock again. His pants are in the way. She tries to undo his belt but she doesn't get very far because he starts to massage her clit. She rocks her hips up and down with his movement. She needs him, she wants him. He can't stand it anymore himself so he quickly pulls his pants and boxers off.

He hovers over her with his fully erect cock teasing her entrance. He grabs it in his hand and runs it up and down to tease her. He can't handle much more himself but the look on her face is well worth the torture. She finally has enough and wraps her hands around him and pushes him into her. They both moan and yell out in pleasure as he quickly enters her. He quickens his trusts almost immediately. All sense of romance or passion leaves him. The more she screams the harder he thrusts and deeper he goes the more she wants it. Harder harder deeper deeper he goes. She wants more but he couldn't possibly go harder. He reaches down to massage her clit as he thrusts into her. She can't hold it in anymore. Any thoughts of anyone else being in the house goes out the window. With every movement of hers it seems her screams get louder and louder. Mark lets out a loud moan himself as he explodes inside her. She is left flustered and even he is surprised in how amazing that felt. He rolls off of her and onto his back next to her. They just lay there in silence with smiles on their faces. Meredith looks to him and Mark looks to her. She says the first thing that pops into her head, "Thank you."

Meredith

I can't even concentrate. I can't get the image of his penis out of my head. It is dirty thoughts like these that get surgeons in trouble, I swear. How can I be expected to concentrate on my work when that sex god is walking the halls of this hospital? I hope they stick me with Burke or something, I don't know, anything but Mark. I can't face Derek today either. He is going to see right away that something is up. I don't know how much longer I can hide from this. Crap, I think Dr. Bailey is talking to me.

"Yes, Dr. Bailey, Dr. Shepherd it is." She does it on purpose, I just know it. Does it look like I can handle Derek today? I don't think so. I am a mess. My hair looks like shit and she looks beautiful today. She always looks beautiful. I probably would've chosen her too. There he is now. I'm not ready for this. He doesn't look happy. Time to pretend to smile. "I'm with you today."

"Good. Ok. Please send Mr. Richards in 2337 up for a CT to see if the swelling went down." That was weird. No looks. No smiles. No emotions. What the hell is going on?

"Are you ok?" Why should you even ask? He doesn't care about you. Why should you care about him? Because he does care and so do I. Well just stop it. It's over. "You just don't seem like yourself, that's all."

"Mark is still here." Act surprised, you're supposed to act surprised. You're not supposed to know he is still here. You're definitely not supposed to know what he looks like naked. Why did I think about that? Now I am back to not being able to concentrate. I think I'm supposed to be angry that he's here. "It seems that the chief offered him a job."

"I'm sorry, Derek." Is that the best you can do? You're supposed to be angry with him about it. That's what friends do. They comfort each other. Who am I kidding? We will never be friends. Not after he finds out. "That really sucks." That was a pathetic attempt at anger. "I'm going to get that CT now."

Mark

I wonder if she gives good head. She seems like she is good with her tongue. From what I can tell from the two times I have been with her she is very good with her mouth. She's definitely experienced enough to give me a run for my money. She may even be better than Addison. Speaking of Addison, I should start counting how many times Addison or Derek give me a dirty look today. I'm a bit surprised that they're not acting more adult like about this. No. Wait. I'm not. This is Addison and Derek, and when it comes right down to it they're exceptionally child like when they don't get their way. Anyway, I need to give this young man some directive I suppose.

"Dr. Collect, I need you to do something very important for me." I think that's his name. What a weird last name.

"Karev, Dr. Karev." That's not much better.

"Well anyway, Dr. Correnz, I need you to go to this address and pick up my luggage for me." If anything is missing I am going to go kick someone's ass. I don't know if I trust the airline or this kid for that matter. How could I possibly trust anyone with the last name of Klepto. How did they even let him become a doctor?

"This is the airport." We have a genius on our hands. I should just do it myself and send this kid to the pit. No, because if I left then I wouldn't be able to stare at Meredith all day.

"Yeah I know. That's where luggage usually is. Now go." That nurse is kind of cute.

Meredith

If I think about swelling brains I go right to thinking about swelling…other areas. Derek says "I'm going in" and all I can think about is sex. I can't function like this. Everything reminds me of last night. I need something to get this off of my mind. Think, Meredith, think. Craniotomy. Ten blade. Incision. Running stitch. I'm doing it! Suction. Sucking. Derek. Wait, Derek? Oof.

Meredith walks right into Derek.

"Sorry, my mind is other places today." And you do not want to know where those places are. Why is this happening to me? Why did I sleep with Mark? This is going to get much more complicated than it already is.

"I can tell. Anything you want to talk to me about?" Not hardly.

"Not at all." Ok that was not the way you were supposed to react.

"Come on, we're supposed to be friends. Friends tell each other things."

"Friends don't tell each other everything, Derek. I am fine. For the first time in a long time I am actually fine." Wow. I actually am. Stairs! There are stairs here. Pay attention, Meredith. Oh look, there's Izzie…with a smile on her face. This can't be good.

"Hey Mer, I was thinking that after last night we should probably change his name to McScreamy." Holy shit, Derek is still here.

"What is she talking about, Mer?" Oh god, bad bad bad.

"Nothing!"

Meredith grabs Izzie by the arm and quickly escorts her out of the stairwell.

"You haven't told him yet, have you?" NO! Why would I? Freaking crazy barbie.

"No and I don't plan on it." I knew it was a bad idea bringing Mark home like that. Could it possibly get any worse?

"Come on Mer, McScreamy was funny. You have to admit it." Meredith starts giggling.

"Ok, fine, it's funny. Just so wrong."

I tried so hard to be quiet. It may be impossible. He knows just the right things to make you scream. Stop. You can't think about this right now. You have a job to do. What's a quick fuck session in an on call room going to hurt any? Don't start thinking that way. It's too risky. Nobody else can find out about this. I can't afford for the whole hospital knowing. I can't hurt Derek that way. It's going to be my little secret. There he is. Why does he have to look so damn sexy in scrubs? You're weak…much too weak for this.


	5. Chapter 5

Mark

I knew I wouldn't be able to avoid her forever but I don't think I am ready for this right now. She is coming towards me and obviously not going to just ignore the fact that I am standing here. I have even forgotten why I am standing here. I guess I am going to be the one to say the first word. She's just standing there staring at me. "Addison."

"Hi, Mark." Is that all she came here to say? There better be more coming out of those luscious lips of hers. Stop, you can't think this way anymore. She doesn't want you. You have someone who wants you.

"By the look on your face I guess I should answer the question that is burned in your brain, yes I am here for good and no it's not about you at all." She doesn't even believe me. Egotistical bitch, it's not always all about you.

"Ok, Mark, then why are you here?" Oh you really don't want to know that, my dear. It would crush you. Under that tough exterior is a woman who is aching for me and you will never have me again. I have found someone better and when you find that she is who your husband is in love with it may be enough to make you go insane. I will spare her this time.

"I was offered the deal of a lifetime. I couldn't just pass it up." Tell her how you feel. Tell her what she's done to you as a man. Tell her and then walk away. She needs to know. "It took a lot for me to come here for you. When you turned me down I wanted nothing to do with you or this God awful place again. This offer came up and despite all the pain you have put me through here I am. I am over you, Addison, plain and simple. Don't think for a second you have won because in the end you will see that the only winner here is going to be me." Now walk away. She doesn't deserve to respond.

Meredith

I don't even know why I chose the mac and cheese. It never tastes good and yet here it is sitting on my tray. At least the tuna sandwich is going to be good. Where are they sitting? I don't see them anywhere. Oh, there's George.

Meredith places her tray on the table before taking a seat next to George who is staring at his food. The sound of the tray startles George into sitting up straight. He smiles at Meredith and picks up his turkey sandwich and takes a bite. Meredith takes the bowl of mac and cheese and places it on George's tray. He swallows his bite of sandwich and smiles. "Thanks, Mer!"

"I honestly don't know how you can eat that stuff, George." Oh great, Cristina and Izzie are together. I'm sure Izzie didn't keep her big mouth shut about last night. Here it comes. Any minute now. And 3-2-1.

"So, Mer, McScreamy…details now," Cristina says before she even sits down. Meredith glares at Izzie who takes a seat on the other side of George.

"I'm sorry, Mer, it was a funny line. You were going to have to tell her anyway."

This is not what I need. A conversation involving the words Mc-anything will just turn heads. "It was amazing. What else can I say?"

George drops the rest of his sandwich on his plate. "I have lost my appetite." He grabs his tray and walks away from the table.

"What's gotten into him?" Meredith asks.

"Seriously, he didn't even have his appetite to begin with. He didn't even touch that toxic waste they call macaroni and cheese," Cristina replies and she pulls her chair closer to the table and leans in to whisper, "At least tell us how big it is."

Don't laugh. Don't laugh. She shouldn't be asking things like that. "CRISTINA!" Oh come on. Maybe you should tell them. It is something to brag about. No, this is just wrong. I do not want to talk about this with them.

"He obviously knows what he's doing. It pays to be a man whore." Oh nice Izzie, real nice. I need to get out of this conversation somehow. Is that Alex with a suitcase? No that's definitely two suitcases. Where the hell is he going?

"Why does Alex have suitcases?" That'll get their attention off of me for at least a few minutes.

Alex makes his way over to the table knocking over chairs and moving tables that happen to be in his way. He grunts as he pulls one suitcase behind him on the wheels and the other he carries with his other arm. "I hate Sloan. Picking up luggage is not apart of what I went to med school for."

"That's funny we were just talking about him," Cristina says with a smile. Meredith elbows her.

"What? Did Meredith get all drunk and sleep with him or something?" Holy shit. How did he know? Nobody is saying anything. It's too suspicious. Crap crap crap. "Oh my god you did, didn't you?"

Great, now Mark is on his way over here. "Mark's on his way over here, Alex, you better get up."

"Karev, these bags cost more than your car please get them out of this disgusting place and into my office." I am going to have to talk to him about how he treats my friends. Oh no, I am not becoming one of those women. Alex is on his own.

Alex follows Mark to his office. Meredith watches them with her eyes until Mark is out of sight.

The man can do anything and it will be sexy. I want to see him again soon. I guess I'll have to find somewhere that we can be alone so I can ask him. There is no way we are going to my place again, that was a bad idea. If I time it right I can meet him out in the parking lot after my shift. I need to get his phone number. Things would be so much easier if I had his phone number. It's easier to be able to sneak around. I am day dreaming and they're staring at me. And that's my beeper, thank God.

Meredith

I know I saw him come out here somewhere. I need to find him quickly before somebody spots me. Where did I park anyway? I don't see the truck anywhere. That doesn't matter right now. I have to find Mark. He couldn't have just disappeared. Was that? I think I just saw the top of his head over there by that tree. Yeah that's him and his big goofy smile.

"You can't get enough of me can you, Grey?" Since when does he call me Grey? Wait his eyes are pointing. Oh there are people around. He is smarter than I thought. Good they're gone. Was it too suspicious that I didn't say anything back to him? It's too late now. Crap, I should have said something.

"Today is a rest day. It's kind of like exercising. The body needs a resting period to regroup itself." What the hell am I talking about? That made no sense what so ever. Way to go, Mer, not only will you not get the phone number but he probably won't want to sleep with you anymore after that.

"I suppose I can live with that." Really? That was unexpected. I guess I should just get it over with. This is just too embarrassingly awkward. "I hate sneaking around trying to make plans. I think I should give you my phone number or you should give me yours. We should probably exchange actually."

"Yeah sure, we could do that. Give me your phone. I'll plug mine into yours and you plug yours into mine." Now I just have to find my phone. UGH! I hate my hair. One of these days I am just going to cut it all off. It get's in the way too often. I never noticed before but he has really beautiful eyes. Focus, Meredith, the phone number. Enter it and go home. You are tired and you need your rest.

"You have to admit that all this sneaking around stuff is quite the turn on." He really is making it hard not to sleep with him tonight. No, stay strong. Sleep is what you need. Sleep not sex.

"See you tomorrow, Mark." Now all I have to do is find my damn truck.

Mark

She is seriously going to kill me if she finds out I am hiding from her. This is just too funny. She looks like a lost puppy out there. I probably shouldn't mess with her too much longer. I love it. Oh, oh no, I think she looked this way. I wonder if I ducked in time. Damn, she spotted me. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Don't laugh, just smile. She'll never suspect a thing. There are people around. I should make it look like I am being that ass they all see me as. "You can't get enough of me can you, Grey?" Hurry up you chatting nurses, you could be ruining a perfect opportunity for me to get laid. Finally, I thought they'd never leave.

"Today is a rest day. It's kind of like exercising. The body needs a resting period to regroup itself." That's a new one. I guess I did tire her out. Maybe I could use a good night's sleep for once. No, I want to do it again. It was too good. Just go along with it, you don't want her to lose interest in screwing you at all.

"I suppose I can live with that." I guess. I don't think I sounded convincing. Oh well. What man admits to anyone that he could go a night without sex? Not this man…until now.

"I hate sneaking around trying to make plans. I think I should give you my phone number or you should give me yours. We should probably exchange actually." Good idea. I wish we thought of it sooner. Now we can make plenty of sex plans without anybody suspecting a thing. It's perfect.

"Yeah sure, we could do that. Give me your phone. I'll plug mine into yours and you plug yours into mine." It looks like that one strand of hair is bothering her. Maybe I should move it while she's looking for her phone. I want to kiss her so badly right now. She looks so beautiful in the moonlight. I can't risk somebody catching us.

I need to say something to break the mood or I will wind up kissing her. Something flirty, I need something flirty to make her regret taking a break. "You have to admit that all this sneaking around stuff is quite the turn on."

"See you tomorrow, Mark." She so wants me.

Meredith

I cannot wait to get home and take a nice long bubble bath. I will probably fall asleep. I'll have Izzie check on me. I should stop off somewhere for food. I don't think I've gone food shopping in a while. Maybe Izzie had. She likes to take the initiative on those things. I'll try to get George to go. This guy is driving me nuts. "Come on, some people actually want to get home tonight!" I swear some people do not know how to drive. "This is a highway where we are meant to go fast!" Fuck this, I'm getting off here and going the back way. It's too quiet in here, I need music. "Wouldn't it be nice if we were older? Da da da da da da da da da!" New station. George must have been playing with the radio. Hm pizza…pizza sounds really good right about now. No, I just want to go home. We'll order when I get there. Is that car following me? No it's a different car…I think. Ah home finally. "Izzie, I want pizza. Are you in for pizza?" Where is George? He'll flip if we don't ask him. I'll just yell up to him."

"Yeah sure, Mer, pizza sounds like just what I need."

"GEORGE! PIZZA?" Wow that was loud.

"YEAH! PEPPERONI!"

"Pepperoni is good for me too, Mer." Thank god we're all in agreement.

"Hi, I want to place an order to be delivered. One pepperoni and one plain large pie. You have the address on file? Very good. Thank you." Now I have just enough time for that bath. Who could that possibly be at the door? I just hung up with them.

"Talk about express pizza. Make sure you tip them well." Please tell me she is joking.

"It's not the pizza, Iz."

"Is that the pizza? That was fast," George says from the top of the stairs.

He cannot be serious. Where do these people come from? Obviously not this planet. Maybe it's Mark. He must miss me.

"I'll see who it is." He would have called me before showing up.

Meredith opens the door to see Derek standing in front of her. She steps out onto the porch and closes the door behind her. The look on his face warns her that this will not be a happy visit from Derek. She had never seen him like this before. Tortured would be the best way to describe it.

What is he doing here? Shouldn't he b with her? "Derek."

"You…" What is his problem? He sounds really pissed off. "You slut!" Excuse me?

"What are you?"

"Whore!" Did he find out? Oh god, he must have found out.

"Derek, listen to me."

"How dare you?!"

"It's none of your business!"

"He was my best friend!"

"I'm not having this discussion with you. I am going inside."

She turns around to go inside and he grabs her arm. She stops and turns back around to face him once more.

"Why him? Why Mark?" How did he find out? Oh god. I'm not ready to face him. It's not the time. I can't do this. "I saw you two in the parking lot. I was there. I saw everything."

"So now you're spying on me? How dare YOU? How dare YOU do this to me? You sleep with me and make me fall in love with you. You make me feel that you love me too. You don't bother to tell me you're married and when she shows up you chose her. You CHOSE HER and yet you still look at me like that. You spy on me and show up to my house to call me names. I gave you a choice and you chose Addison. You…you are the slut!! Not me." I don't want to look at him anymore. He's not who I fell in love with anymore.

"You're not going to get away with this!" Seriously? Did he seriously just say that to me? I'm done. Done with this argument and done with him.

"I'm going inside now. Goodbye, Derek."

Meredith turns around and walks inside. She closes the door behind her without looking back at the broken man she had left on her door step. She can't even face her friends whom she knows were probably listening to the whole thing. Head hanging low, she makes her way up the stairs and to her bedroom. Her shoulders drop as she begins to rapidly break down. Tears flow from her eyes as his harsh words play over and over in her head.

I can't believe he called me a slut. I can't believe he called me a whore. It's his fault I am in this position. How can he be so angry when this is what he wants? He doesn't want me. He didn't pick me. I am a slut. I slept with his best friend just to get even. He's right. He is so right. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve anything but to be called a whore.

In the living room Izzie and George have the two pizza boxes set up on the coffee table. Each of them has a plate on their lap with a single slice of pizza with several bites taken out of it already. George keeps looking in the direction of the stairs. "Should one of us go up there?" he asks. He wants so badly to be there for her. He cares so much about her and all he wants to do is bring her joy.

"I don't know. He said some pretty horrible things. She's probably embarrassed."

"I'm going to just take up some pizza to her." George picks up the empty plate from the table and places two slices on it. One plain slice and one pepperoni. "I'll be right back." He walks up the stairs and stops at Meredith's closed door. He isn't sure if he should knock or not. He finally decides to open the door. She is sitting on her bed with her knees bent with her head resting on them. "I uh figured you'd want something to eat."

How sweet of him. He probably just pities me. "Thanks, George." Should I have him stay? No I just wan to be alone. "I'll be fine."

George hesitates before turning around and returning down stairs to join Izzie in the living room once more.

Meredith picks up her phone and dials a number. She holds the phone to her ear and waits for an answer. Finally the voice on the other side says something. Meredith hesitates for a moment before speaking. "He knows."


	6. Chapter 6

Meredith

I would give anything not to be stuck on neuro today. Maybe I can act out during rounds and be stuck in the pit or something. Perhaps I can even do labs and discharges. I could be so lucky. The last thing I need is Derek and that damn abused puppy look he gets. Why can't I ever find my stethoscope? Did I leave it somewhere yesterday? Crap. I really don't want to deal with this today. "I lost my stethoscope."

"Again? Seriously, Mer, why don't you just put it right back into your locker before you go home?" Does Cristina really think I haven't thought of that already? I should just ask for labs and I won't even need my stupid stethoscope.

"I thought I did put it in my locker. I am just going to ask Bailey if I could be put on labs. I really don't want to deal with Derek today."

"And you think Bailey will just grant your wish? Just like that? Have you forgotten her nickname already?"

"Do you think Addison knows?" I don't need nasty looks from her either. It's bad enough I slept with her husband, I don't need to feel bad for sleeping with her…Mark.

"Why should you care? She got what she came here for." She's right. Why should I even care about what they're thinking? They ruined my life, not the other way around.

"Come on people, time for rounds!" Bailey yells from the hallway.

Is it really that time already? What am I going to do? She is going to freak if I do not have my stethoscope. Isn't that what I want? So I can be stuck doing scut. This is what I have come to, a surgical intern hoping to be as far from surgery as possible. I hate men.

"I have an extra stethoscope if you need it Mer, it's never been used or anything. It's brand new, I promise." Should I use it? Yeah I guess so.

"Thanks, George."

"Dr. Grey, Dr. Sloan has requested your service today," Bailey says before they get started.

Oh yeah I forgot about the rhinoplasty. I am not even sure I want to deal with him right now either. I guess I have no choice. Maybe I should just make myself throw up and go home for the day. I just hope I don't run into anyone on the way to the surgical floor. I am just going to take the stairs. I can't believe I made it all the way to the surgical floor without bumping into a single person. Oh crap, there is Derek in OR 1. I'll just have to duck under the window so he won't see me. This was a bad idea. My back, ouch, my back. Shoes, I see shoes. Crap.

"Dr. Grey, I was just coming out to look for you." Stand up straight you moron. I must look like such an idiot to him.

"Dr. Sloan, perhaps we should talk somewhere else." I really don't want Derek seeing us talking. I could see another fight right here on the surgical floor. Scrub room, yeah scrub room is good. We have to scrub in anyway.

"So have you seen ferry boat today?" What the hell is he talking about?

"Ferry boat?" Is he trying to talk in code?

"Yeah you know the ferry boat you saw last night." Oh he means Derek. Does he really want to talk about this now while we are in surgery?

I need a code name for Addison. "No, I haven't. Do you know if apple knows?" Did I seriously just call Addison apple? It was the first damn red thing that came to mind. This is so stupid.

"Apple doesn't know." I can't believe he understood what I meant. Or maybe he is just pretending he understood. "Dr. Grey, I am going to make the incision. Do you want to get a closer look?" Oh that wasn't code I don't think.

"Of course." Mm, standing next to him makes this a lot more sensual.

"So what do you feel about New York?" New York? He must be talking about himself.

"I am very fond of New York. I would like to spend more time in New York." Or for New York to spend more time in me is more like it.

"Seattle is pretty cool. I definitely made the right choice by staying." He's talking about me or the actual city? This is getting so damn confusing.

"So um, is this just surgery or is it bigger than that?" There is no way he is going to understand what I am talking about.

"Dr. Sloan, she doesn't know if this is surgery or not?" a nurse chimes in.

That stupid bitch.

"It's fine nurse, don't worry about what we are saying. Keep handing me the instruments I need and keep your mouth shut." He told her! "Dr. Grey, about the surgery…I think that I'd like to do a few more tests before making a definite decision." That isn't what I wanted to hear. Maybe he just doesn't want to talk about it with all these people around. No, he's right, I don't need anything more than just surgery right now…I mean sex!! God, this is getting ridiculous.

"I agree with you." I do agree. Seriously, I do. Is this damn surgery over now? It's getting uncomfortable in here. I think they're all staring at us anyway. Is that my pager going off?

"Dr. Grey do you need to go?" Why did he have to say it like that?

"It's Bailey, they need me." Just in time.

"I am almost finished up in here anyway. I will see you later to discuss that surgery." I like the sound of that. I wonder what they need me for. It must be something big. They have never called me away before. Maybe it's a car accident, awesome. Is it bad that I am happy for a car accident? I am a horrible person. I was right. It is a car accident. "Holy crap."

Mark

I wonder if there is another place I can change into my scrubs. The attending locker room would probably be a bad place for me right now. I guess I could just lock myself into an on call room for a second. This is ridiculous. Since when am I worried about what other people think? Fuck him, I'm going to walk around naked. Ok That may be a little childish. I am going to have to talk to him about this sooner or later. "Derek…" And there he goes. Maybe not.

"What did you do this time?" She obviously doesn't know. It's good to see they're communicating. They have got to be the worst couple ever. It was so worth leaving me for him. Shit, I have to get up to the OR. I'll have to talk to Bailey first…and there she is.

"Dr. Bailey, I would like to have Dr. Grey assist me today." Why is she looking at me like that? Does she think she is intimidating me? Just say yes.

"I will let her know, Dr. Sloan." That's right. You know who your boss is. I don't think I will ever get the hang of where everything is in this damn hospital. I should count how many looks I get from nurses each day. No I probably couldn't count that high. I do have to say the operating rooms here are a lot nicer than what I dealt with back in New York. I wonder if I can get some tonight. She did say rest day. Day means one which means today is free reign.

Is that Meredith over there? What is she doing? She's not even paying attention. I should go over there. "Dr. Grey, I was just coming out to look for you."

"Dr. Sloan, perhaps we should talk somewhere else." Hm, why? Oh Derek. I guess we could get scrubbed in. I am going to start soon anyway.

There are people around. We can't do this in front of them. I guess I could try speaking in code. What would be a good nickname for Derek? I got it. Ferry boat. "So have you seen ferry boat today?"

"Ferry boat?" Oh man, she doesn't get it. I am going to have to somehow explain this to her without actually explaining.

"Yeah you know the ferry boat you saw last night." This is so stupid. I should have just waited until after.

"No, I haven't. Do you know if apple knows?" Apple, hm, she probably means Addison. Apples are red. Great logic.

"Apple doesn't know." I should probably get the surgery started. I can see the room getting more and more interested in our conversation. "Dr. Grey, I am going to make the incision. Do you want to get a closer look?" Oh that wasn't code I don't think.

"Of course." She smells great. If these people weren't in here I'd fuck her right here on the floor of the OR.

Why do I feel like I must know about how she thinks about me? Since when do I care? I need a nickname for myself. "So what do you feel about New York?"

"I am very fond of New York. I would like to spend more time in New York." Yeah well I'd like to spend a lot more time in you. God, she's doing this on purpose. It's torture.

If I am New York then that makes her Seattle. This is kind of fun. "Seattle is pretty cool. I definitely made the right choice by staying." I hope she understands that I am talking about her.

"So um, is this just surgery or is it bigger than that?" Surgery. Hm. What can surgery mean? I guess she means sex. Does she want a relationship?

"Dr. Sloan, she doesn't know if this is surgery or not?" a nurse chimes in.

I knew they wouldn't be able to keep quiet this whole time. Mind your own business, you fat cow.

"It's fine nurse, don't worry about what we are saying. Keep handing me the instruments I need and keep your mouth shut." Was that too mean? Do I really want a relationship right now? I don't know. I think I still want to test the waters a bit more before I make a decision. "Dr. Grey, about the surgery…I think that I'd like to do a few more tests before making a definite decision." I hope that's ok.

"I agree with you." You do? What the hell is that noise? Is that a pager going off? Is that her pager?

"Dr. Grey do you need to go?" Did I sound too needy? I think I just sounded disappointed. I didn't mean it like that.

"It's Bailey, they need me." Well that sucks. I wanted to look at her more.

"I am almost finished up in here anyway. I will see you later to discuss that surgery." That was probably the weirdest conversation I have ever had. The funny part is that we both understood what the hell we were talking about. I hope she doesn't mind that I just want to fuck right now. It's going so well just doing that. Why ruin it with a relationship? I don't think she needs a relationship right now anyway. We are too messed up. I should probably concentrate more on this rhynoplasty and less on my sex life. Hopefully I can page her into an on call room later on. So much for concentration.


	7. Chapter 7

Mark

I am probably the most amazing person I know. I have gone this whole day without one confrontation with Derek. Maybe this won't be as bad as we all thought it was going to be. I think I'll go home, shower, and then call Meredith to see if I can get laid tonight. I need it. What the fuck was that? What the fuck just hit me in the head? Ugh, Derek. Double ugh, a pissed of Derek. "Did you just throw a paper ball at me?"

"I'm so pissed off right now. It's the only thing I had in my hand." I should rip it up, it looks important.

"Why Meredith?" Does he really want to do this right here and now? "There are millions of women in the country and you just have to choose mine…twice." Wow. Who knew his face could that shade of purple. Hmm. It is almost the same shade as those cute little panties Meredith has. The one's with the hearts on them.

"Meredith isn't your's, Derek." That's right, you have nothing to say. You know it's true. "I admit that I messed up big time by sleeping with Addison but you are still married to her and I have backed off and given you what you want. Meredith is not an object, she is a person. She doesn't belong to anybody. All I know is she is somebody I like to spend time with." I couldn't help twisting the knife just a little bit. Ha. Wow. His face really is purple! I hope the guy doesn't stroke out. That would be hard to explain to the Chief.

"That doesn't give you the right to mess with my life." Someone has a bigger ego than me. I didn't think that was possible. "I care a lot about Meredith. Just because I am trying to make my marriage work doesn't take away from that." Greedy mother fucker. Then again, I shouldn't be surprised. He never did like to..."share."

"You can't have both women. Life doesn't go that way. You either love Addy and you want to make your marriage work or you love Meredith and you get a divorce. You don't get to stay married to Addison and be bitter about Meredith moving on with her life. That isn't fair and you know it."

"I LOVE HER!" Yelling. We are down to yelling at each other. I am going to end this right now.

"I don't FUCKING care, Derek. You lost her. Get over it!" I could punch him right now. Stay cool. He isn't worth it.

"You just had to fuck her the first chance you got. You son of a bitch." Name calling, Derek? Please. That's not like you.

"He fucked who?" Oh great, Addison. This is getting too good.

"Meredith, he slept with Meredith." He's only going to hurt himself by talking about this. She's not stupid, she can hear the anger and hurt in your voice, you dumbass. I can't help but laugh at this whole situation.

"What's so funny?" You do not want me to go there, Derek. I should just get it out in the open that he still loves her and then leave them to fight it out.

"It's so obvious that you love Meredith."

"Mark…" shut up, Derek.

"You are staying in the marriage because you think people are going to commend you for at least trying. You're not trying. Addison is in denial and you are praying that it will end soon. You blame me because I came here and fucked up your whole plan. You can't run away to a far away land with her. You fucked it up and I am just here picking up the pieces. You need to realize that you need to let her go. She is trying to get over you and you are making it impossible for her. You have made a choice to save your marriage so save it. I'm out of here." It's going to be silent in that trailer tonight, that's for sure. I have to get out of this hospital right now. I didn't even get to change, just great. I can't go to the bar looking like this. So much for sex tonight, I just need to go home. There is Meredith, I should probably tell her about Apple…Addison. I cannot believe I just called her Apple. "Apple knows." That was kind of sexy of me to get all close and whisper in her ear and then walk away. I'm smooth.

Meredith

I can't believe that car accident kept me away from Derek all day. I didn't have to see his sad sorry eyes once. It's a good feeling. I don't have to feel like shit for one day. I wonder if I should go across the street or if I should just go home.

"Apple knows." What was that? Holy crap, why did he walk away? He just sent chills down my spine. I should blow him just for that. God damn I am so turned on right now. Why does he have to do that to me? Fucking tease. Wait a second, did he just say Addison knows? Knows about us? Crap. She's going to make my life miserable for sure now. I have to get out of here before anybody sees me. How the hell did she find out? I need to know more. I'll have to call him when I get home. We have a lot of things we need to discuss.


	8. Chapter 8

Meredith

Meredith

He's not answering his phone. Right when I need him the most he doesn't answer his damn phone. Where the hell can he be? I just saw him. What the hell can he be doing? He better not be sleeping with some random bar whore, that's my job. Wait I am not some random bar whore. And I don't care anyway. "HEY WATCH IT, BUDDY, I'M TRYING TO DRIVE HERE!" I hate people. I am going to try one more time and then I am just going to give up. Come on, come on, pick up the damn phone. How does she know? Does she want to kill me…even more? Damn it, Mark. Fuck you no I am not leaving a voicemail. Great, now I am talking to the voicemail recording. I really need to start car pooling again. Is that his car out in front? It couldn't be. Crap I think it is. Double crap, he's not inside of it. Triple crap, is that him in the living room? I'm going to kill Izzie. Do I really have to go in there? Maybe I can just wait it out for a while. What the fuck is that knocking? George? "Don't scare me like that!"

"I'm sorry, Meredith, aren't you coming inside? You've been sitting out here for quiet a while." Nosey much? Ugh. I know he means well but does he have to be like a damn puppy?

"Yeah I guess so." Might as well get this over with. I'm sure Izzie is talking his ear off about something. Maybe I should let him suffer for a while for not picking up his phone. No, not with Lassie following my every move. Ha Lassie, I definitely have been hanging out with Alex too much. Time to put on the fake smile.

"Hey Mer! Look who I found outside. I couldn't let him stand out in the cold so I invited him in. I hope that was ok." Fantastic, Izzie, it's just fantastic. "Should I make dinner for everyone?" Oh god, no.

"No thanks." 

"Yeah, that'll be great." Did he just say what I thought he just said? I thought this was just sex and how he wants to have dinner with us? Who does he think he is? Maybe it would be nice to have him over. I don't know. I am so confused.

"Great! I'll get started" She is way too chipper.

"We need to talk." I guess we should go up to my room. That would be the best place to have this discussion. The walls have ears down here in the living room. Ack, I didn't mean for the door to slam like that. Why does he look so amused? "Dinner?"

"What? I'm hungry." Smart ass. "I got into a fight with Derek today." Ok, I wasn't expecting that. I wonder if it was a fist fight or just a shouting match. I hope he slapped some sense into to him.

"Did you punch him?" I couldn't resist. It's weird having him here in my bed with clothes on. Hm. Well we are both sitting. And we do need to talk about this whole thing.

"He threw a paper ball at me while my back was turned and I thought that was pretty childish. A simple conversation turned into a heated screaming match and then Addison walked in and heard that I had slept with you. From Derek's mouth, not mine, I swear. He…he's…" He's what? "He definitely made a mistake." What does that mean? Why is he looking at me like that? No, I can't kiss him until we figure this out. I suck at these kinds of things. He's not going to start it off. I am going to have to.

"So does there need to be rules for this sort of thing?" Why is it so hard for me to just talk to him?

"Rules complicate things. I like to just go with the flow." Just tell him you want more. What's the worst than can happen? Just tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. "Listen, Meredith, I was thinking…"

"I don't want just sex." Of course the time I finally say it I interrupt. "Sorry."

"No it's ok. I was going to say I was thinking that you deserve more than just sex. I am not so good at this relationship thing but I know you're not either so I was thinking that we could do this together." I couldn't have said it better myself. There's no way I would have.

"That's what I was trying to say." This is nice. I could get used to this. "So we're doing this."

"Yeah we are. Who would've thought? The most dysfunctional people in Seattle trying to have a relationship, it's pretty funny if you think about it." It really is. I never thought I would feel this way so quickly after the betrayal of Derek. Mark should be the last person I should trust and yet I trust him the most. Maybe that's why it works so well. I can tell that he means what he says. I just don't think I could face Derek right now about it. Knowing that he's so angry about it I know he'll come to me eventually and I won't be ready. I wish I could just run away…with him. "Are you ok? You look like you're spacing out." Oh crap, he caught me day dreaming.

"I'm fine. Just thinking." I guess we should go downstairs. "We should probably go downstairs."

"Why? She's not done yet. We'll go down when she calls us." Ok, I can do that.

"So…Derek is really upset about us?" Why am I talking about Derek? I shouldn't be talking about Derek. Not to him. It's wrong. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be bringing him up."

"It's ok, you don't have to apologize. I think Derek is a bit confused in what he wants. It's like he wants to try to be the saint by trying to save his marriage and at the same time he wants to be in love with you." In love? "I told him he can't have both. It's not fair to you to be messing with your head like that."

"You did?"

"Of course I did. Someone needed to tell him. He put himself in this position. He needs some harsh words. I mean I don't blame him for still loving you…I mean." Yeah? Go on. "You're a great woman." Ok that was adorable and incredibly corny.

"You're so corny. I'm telling the whole hospital that McSteamy is just a big softie."

"You'd ruin my Steamylicious reputation like that? I don't think this is going to work out after all." Oh really. Two can play at this game.

"Oh really? Fine, go, go back to your hotel room without any supper."

"Do I at least get dessert?" Ah, there it is…the McSteamy smile. Naughty boy. "If you're good."

"I like to have my dessert before dinner. It enhances my appetite." It's unfair that he is doing this to me when I know at any moment Izzie is going to say that dinner is ready.

"Dinner is ready guys! Stop having sex and get down here!" That's pretty scary that I knew that was going to happen.

Mark

What's the point of going back to the hotel? There is nothing there. Maybe I should try to find a place that I can get a good burger. I haven't gotten a good burger since I've been out here. Is that Addison calling again? Doesn't she get the hint that I am not in the mood to talk right now. She's probably called 6 times already. I should probably let Meredith know that I got into that little altercation with Derek today. It's better to find out from me than from that idiot. He'd probably tell her a way different version than what actually happened. Maybe she'll know where to get a burger from. Yeah right. A girl doesn't stay skinny like that by eating a big meaty burger. I'm on the way to her place anyway I should stop by. Hopefully she is home. I don't want to deal with her roommates. O'Malley looks at me like I stole his bike and Blondie probably wants to have sex with me. I can't say that I blame her for that. It doesn't look like Meredith is home. I'll just wait at here for her. Oh look, there Blondie is now. I think she saw me. She's coming over here. Shit.

"Hey Dr. Sloan, are you waiting for Meredith?" Wow she is smart. No wonder she is a doctor. I should have just looked for that burger.

"Yeah I'll just wait for her out here. I just need to tell her a quick thing." Is that Addison calling again? Holy shit, leave me alone, woman! She and Derek are perfect for each other. Too little too late like that retarded song or whatever.

"It's cold out. You should come wait inside." It is pretty cold and who knows in this wacky state it'll probably start down pouring at any moment. I guess going inside wouldn't hurt too much.

"Yeah sure, I'll come in." I'm leaving my damn phone in here. I can't stand to hear it ring anymore.

I am going to just sit on the couch I guess. This is so weird. Maybe she knows where to get a good burger. "So um…" Crap, what is her name?"

"Izzie." Right. Izzie…Stein I think. Or was it Stern? I don't know. Something like that.

"Izzie, do you know where there is a good burger in this town? I've been dying." She doesn't look like she eats much red meat either. I need a fat chick to ask.

"No I don't but I can make a really good burger." I can't ask her to make one for me. That would be wrong. I don't even know her. Someone in that hospital will have to know. Is that the door? Please tell me it's Meredith and not O'Malley.

"Hey Mer! Look who I found outside. I couldn't let him stand out in the cold so I invited him in. I hope that was ok. Should I make dinner for everyone?" With any luck I can get that burger after all.

"No thanks." 

What are you crazy? I'm starving! "Yeah, that'll be great." I just hope it's a damn burger.

"Great! I'll get started" Yeah you do that. And there is the stolen bike look from O'Malley. Run upstairs, little boy. I sure am angry on an empty stomach.

"We need to talk." That's why I am here. Let's do this. Wow a little angry aren't we? Slamming the door so loudly. My feisty girl, growl. "Dinner?"

"What? I'm hungry." So I guess I should just come out and say it. I don't know to actually ease myself into it. "I got into a fight with Derek today."

I'm gonna relax on the bed. My feet are killing me. "Did you punch him?" I probably should have. Eye for an eye and all. 

"He threw a paper ball at me while my back was turned and I thought that was pretty childish. A simple conversation turned into a heated screaming match and then Addison walked in and heard that I had slept with you. From Derek's mouth, not mine, I swear. He…he's…" Shit, I just lost my train of thought. She's so hot tonight. "He definitely made a mistake." I want to just wrap her into my arms right now. Or kiss her. Yeah I want to definitely kiss her. She's licking her lips and I don't even think she realizes.

"So does there need to be rules for this sort of thing?" Fuck rules.

"Rules complicate things. I like to just go with the flow." This is where you tell her that you don't just want sex. You want a relationship. It's the perfect time. Look she's waiting for you to say it. "Listen, Meredith, I was thinking…"

"I don't want just sex." You let her beat you to it, you idiot. "Sorry." I should be apologizing for not being a man about this.

"No it's ok. I was going to say I was thinking that you deserve more than just sex. I am not so good at this relationship thing but I know you're not either so I was thinking that we could do this together." Wow that was very…Derek of me. I almost sound like I know what I am doing.

"That's what I was trying to say." I am so glad we agree. "So we're doing this." 

"Yeah we are. Who would've thought? The most dysfunctional people in Seattle trying to have a relationship, it's pretty funny if you think about it." That probably wasn't the best way to follow up on such a nice moment. It should be nice to have a normal relationship with a normal girl. I have been so caught up in Addison for so long that I forgot that there are other women out there for me…better women. I think she's day dreaming too. I wonder what she's thinking about. I should break the silence. "Are you ok? You look like you're spacing out."

"I'm fine. Just thinking. We should probably go downstairs."

No, I am not ready to leave this perfect moment. "Why? She's not done yet. We'll go down when she calls us."

"So…Derek is really upset about us? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be bringing him up." Don't let her feel bad, she's done nothing wrong. It's only natural to wonder.

"It's ok, you don't have to apologize. I think Derek is a bit confused in what he wants. It's like he wants to try to be the saint by trying to save his marriage and at the same time he wants to be in love with you." Maybe I shouldn't have told her that. No she needs to know. "I told him he can't have both. It's not fair to you to be messing with your head like that."

"You did?"

"Of course I did. Someone needed to tell him. He put himself in this position. He needs some harsh words. I mean I don't blame him for still loving you…I mean." So stupid. Why did you say that, you idiot? You don't love her. You hardly know her. Quick hurry, fix it. "You're a great woman." Ugh just listen to myself. Well I guess if it's true there really is no shame in letting her know. She needs to hear it.

"You're so corny. I'm telling the whole hospital that McSteamy is just a big softie." Hey! I am not!

"You'd ruin my Steamylicious reputation like that? I don't think this is going to work out after all." Did I really just say Steamylicious? I blame Fergie and her damn catchy songs.

"Oh really? Fine, go, go back to your hotel room without any supper." Harsh.

"Do I at least get dessert?" I knew I could make up for it with a good sexual innuendo. 

"If you're good." She's melting. Score another one for Mark Sloan.

"I like to have my dessert before dinner. It enhances my appetite." I'm glad I can make her smile. I am getting lucky tonight.

"Dinner is ready guys! Stop having sex and get down here!" Please, if we were having sex you'd hear it.


	9. Chapter 9

In House's office the team is sitting in their chairs around the table while Cuddy sits on the edge of the table and Wilson stands in the doorway

Mark

I really don't think it has stopped raining since I moved to this damn state. What the hell does the sun look like? I have no fucking clue. All I see when I look up is water and darkness in the clouds. Today they actually look pretty scary though. I think I heard something on the radio about a storm. I probably shouldn't have changed it from the weather to today's top 40 crappy songs. I can't believe I haven't seen Meredith at all in a few days. I've seen Izzie more than her I think. Thank god she is nice enough to bring me a burger once a week. I should pay her. No….on second thought I shouldn't. She is the one who offered me. Was that my pager that just went off? No. Ok this is why I want a cool ring tone for my pager so I know when it's mine. I would have something like "Baby Got Back" or something. Everyone would hate me. It would be wonderful. Oh great, there's Derek. Forced interaction alert.

"Mark." What the hell was that nod for? I should smack that smile off his face. Wait smile? He's smiling. I can't believe they're actually working this marriage out. What the hell is going on here? He better not be smiling because of Meredith. Oh shit, I think he's talking to me. Act interested. Pick up on a familiar word or two. "I shouldn't have said those things last week." By George, he is a brain surgeon after all. I wonder if he figured that out all by himself.

"No you shouldn't have." Well it's true. What the fuck was he expecting me to say back? 'Oh, Derek, you had me at hello. Let's go back to being bestest buddies.' Wrong, not going to happen in this life time.

"What you said about how I feel about Meredith…you were right. I guess I was just trying to protect her." Is he expecting me to forgive him or something? I don't quite see where this is going. Oh maybe he is in AA and this is of the steps.

"Protect her from herself or from me? Don't you think if you "love" her and "trust" her that you should respect her judgment?" Ten points for Mark! He shoots he scores. Nothing but net.

"You're Mark. You charm them, sleep with them, and leave them heart broken. It's what you do." All valid points I guess. Not true in this case though.

"Not when I care about them." There I said it. I care about her. That actually felt good.

"You can't possibly believe you are what's best for her." What the hell is this? First he wants me to accept his apology then he insults me. Does he think I am going to just sit here and take this?

"Oh and you are? Have you forgotten that you're still married? Do you think that you can go around doing things and there are no consequences for what you do? I own up to my mistakes. You somehow feel that you are immune. Things are not ok, Derek. Not between you and I, not between you and Addison, and certainly not between you and Meredith. You are not innocent in all of this. You are guiltier than anyone. Take some fucking responsibility for your actions. Addison has and I have and you know what? You chose to make your marriage work so stop crying about Meredith because she isn't yours to protect, she isn't yours to get jealous over, and she certainly isn't yours to love." You've said enough. Leave him to fucking drown in that for a while. It's 6am and already I need a drink. It's going to be a long day. Oh great, here comes Addison…smiling as well. Weird. I know she's not smiling about Meredith, that's for sure.

"Hey Mark." Why can't they just leave me alone? I'd give anything for Karev's nose up my ass instead of their trying to be friends crap. They must be in some kind of therapy.

"Addison." Short and sweet, that's what will make her go away.

"You haven't been answering my calls." Duh! Newsflash, you picked Derek and I have moved on. Stings a little, doesn't it? You're stuck in a loveless marriage while I am as happy as a clam. Are clams even that happy?

"I know. There is a reason for that."

"I thought we could still be friends." She must be on some kind of crack or maybe the rain has washed away her brain. What the hell is going on in this place? Am I on candid camera or is this really my life?

"I don't know where you got that idea, Addison. You kill my baby. You come out here to chase after Derek. We were trying and you left. I know I messed up by sleeping with that nurse but you wouldn't stop talking about him. What was I supposed to do?" Why are we even going down this road? This is not where I wanted to end up. Pleading my case for a jury who has already come up with a verdict, this is stupid.

"Not sleep with her?" Damn your logic, woman! I need to get back on topic or this will turn very dark very fast. I shouldn't have brought up the baby. That was low even for me. Fuck her, she deserves it. Just like Derek she needs to take responsibility for what she has done.

"We can't be friends. Definitely not now and I am not sure about ever. You are trying with Derek and I am happy with Meredith. You and I together is bad news and we both know it." This hurts a lot worse than I thought it would.

"Yeah…about Meredith. I can't believe you…"

"Save it. I don't need a lecture and I don't need to be judged. Let me just be happy. That's all I want for you. Why can't I have it too? Do you want to be selfish just like Derek? It's not going to happen. Some times the grass really is greener." The grass is greener? A jury with a verdict? Where the hell am I getting all these metaphors from all of a sudden? It must be the rain. It's messing with my head.

"You would rather have her than us? You'd known her for what…a month? You've known us for a lifetime." Why is she making this so hard? We're supposed to be moving on. It's what she wanted.

"When I am with her I feel at peace but when I am with you or Derek I just want to run in the other direction. People change, Addie, it's time to move on." I finally said it. I have to move on. It's time to make my own life and my own friends and my own decisions. I just hope that it's all worth it. I'm giving up everything for this new life. So far it has been a pretty amazing ride. What the fuck was that? Thunder? Lightning. Oh shit the power is out. I have to get to the chief. Was that my phone?

_Text message from Meredith: Stuck in elevator…Derek is here._

Great.

Meredith

It is really windy out there. That tree's branches are almost touching the hospital. Did they say anything about rain? Did I even listen to the news on the way in? No, I think Izzie and George were talking about something and I zoned out completely. It would probably be a great night to get laid. I'll have to invite Mark over later. Right now I should probably pay attention to this C-Section. Why I keep getting stuck with Addison is beyond me but I am pretty sure someone is out to get me. I don't know if it's God or Bailey or perhaps a little bit of both. Addison is better than Derek though. Yeah, Meredith keep telling yourself that. They're equally as bad. It's awkward with Addison and when I am with Derek he can't stop looking at me. I don't even think he tries to hide it either. The man has no shame. I am just happy that after this surgery I can go home. Weird shift times are good for the soul. Here is the ultimate test. Does she finally say something to me in the scrub room? Let's find out. I really hope I didn't forget my lotion today. That crap I borrowed from Cristina last time smelled like ass.

"You really know your babies, Dr. Grey." How did I know that today was going to be the day? It's probably because of the damn tree touching the building. That's right. I am blaming a tree for my misfortune. I wonder if that same tree was there when Thatcher left. Ok, way off topic. I should probably answer her.

"I studied for it last night." Who is she kidding? This is just really too awkward for both of us.

"So you and Mark now." Now? What does she mean by now? I stepped aside and gave Derek back. What more does she want from me? Probably my head on a platter.

"Mark and I are seeing where this goes." And that's all the bitch needs to know. It's really none of her business anyway. She left him. He's fair game and I just happened to pounce. Or did he pounce? Ok he definitely pounced. But I was there…ready and willing…after some tequila…a lot of tequila. Well all that doesn't matter now because I said I want more than sex first and that's what counts.

"Mark isn't a 'seeing where this goes' kind of guy." I really don't want to be having this conversation with her. I can't be rude. She's my boss. I need to escape.

"People can change, you know." I really need to get out of here. I've washed my hands how many times just trying to keep the room from being a total awkward silence.

"No, I know Mark, he doesn't change for anyone." Ok she obviously wants to have this conversation right now. Where the hell is Cristina to save me when I need her?

"So why did you pick Derek if you obviously still have feelings for Mark?" Why? Why did I go there? I honestly don't care. I don't want to know. I don't have to know. Ok maybe a little part of me wanted to know but I could live without knowing.

"Because Mark is Mark and Derek is my husband. I love Derek, I do…" Keep telling yourself that. Maybe one day you'll actually believe it.

"So that explains all the sex with the best friend. I understand perfectly now." I am asking to be put on scut for the rest of my life. Shut up, Meredith.

"You understand nothing. You don't understand the l…"

"Life of a surgeon? You're right. I know nothing about that. Maybe you can teach me some time." Please leave the room before she gets you kicked out of the program, you idiot. Stop fighting with her. She could so kick your ass. "Uh…bye." Graceful, really graceful. Let's just get to the elevator before something else happens. Elevator full of doctors and none of them are Derek. Things are looking up. Crap where are they all going? Crap I spoke too soon. Crap it's just us. He looks as sulky as ever. I don't even think that is a real adjective. Just look straight ahead. Pretend he's not there. Did the lights just flicker? Oh shit, they're off. We're not moving.

"It looks like I broke it." This is probably the worst thing that can happen and he's making jokes. I am seriously not in the mood for his jokes right now. I need to sit down. I should text Mark to let him know where I am.

_Text message to Mark: Stuck in elevator…Derek is here._

I'm sure that won't panic him or anything. My theory is right though. Bailey didn't cause the power to go out so God is definitely to blame for all of this. What the hell did I ever do to him anyway? Well I guess there was that one time in high school when I had sex in that church but that wasn't my idea.

"Meredith…"

"Don't." I just need to pretend like I am somewhere else right now. I need to pretend I am in my bed sleeping. Nobody is around me. Nobody has sat down next to me. And nobody is definitely not looking at me.

"Meredith, please just talk to me." What is there to talk about? I don't want to say anything to him.

_Text message from Mark: Don't have sex with him._

Oh he is really funny.

"Some weather we're having, huh?" You should have just stayed quiet. Close your eyes. Just close your eyes. Maybe you can fall asleep and he will leave you alone.

"You know that's not what I mean." He's seriously begging for me to yell at him, isn't he? I am too tired for that right now. I just can't.

"Fine. You want to talk? We can talk. When were you planning on telling me?" We might as well just get this out now so we can never speak of it again. He obviously won't let me sleep.

"Everything just happened so fast. I wanted to tell you. I did." Yeah…right. You only say that because you got caught.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why did you let me fall in love with you? How could you just humiliate me like that? I went from intern that's sleeping with her boss to slut who has slept with a married man and then you go and choose to be with her. I just don't understand. I don't want to either. You're obviously not the man I thought you were." Why are you even telling him? He doesn't care. You shouldn't waste your breath. I feel trapped. I can't get out. I'm stuck with him. Stuck to talk about what happened between us when I have tried so hard to run away from them. I don't want to be here. I'd rather be anywhere but here in this moment.

"Meredith, I wish I knew. You don't deserve such a shitty answer but it's all I've got. I wanted to tell you but I was afraid of losing you. That doesn't justify it but it's true. I didn't mean for this to happen. The last thing I wanted to do is make you cry." Well it's definitely too late for that.

"You have a real funny way of showing it." Please tell me they're going to get the power up soon. The generator should be kicking in at any moment. Please get me out of here. I don't know how much I can take.

Holy crap the light's are back on, it's a miracle. "Light's are back. And it looks like we're moving" Thank God. "I know I've messed up. If I could make it up to you I would." I don't even want you to. "I just hope that we all can come out of this as friends." Friends? Who is he kidding? That's never going to happen.

"I don't think so. Even a friendship needs trust and I just can't ever trust you again." I should probably stand up. My floor is coming up.

"And you trust Mark? The biggest man whore I know."

"He's never given me a reason not to." He hasn't. Not once. Finally, here is my floor. That couldn't have come in a better time. I needed to get out of there. I just need to get home and get some sleep. I don't even think I am going to change out of my scrubs. I am too tired. I just need to get my bag and I will get going. I'll call Mark later to tell him what happened and to let him know things are going to be ok.


	10. Chapter 10

In House's office the team is sitting in their chairs around the table while Cuddy sits on the edge of the table and Wilson stands in the doorway

Meredith

It feels weird being home earlier than everyone else. I think I like it. The house is quiet. I think I could probably lie here all day for about a week. I think I am going to request that shift more often. There are better nurses too. I never noticed that crack in the window frame before. I wonder if that's new. I can't believe Derek today. How can we continue to be friends when he betrayed me like he did? I can't believe I thought I was in love with him. That wasn't real love. That wasn't like…it just wasn't love. It's for the best though because now I am with Mark. We're more compatible anyway. I can't believe he actually gets along with Izzie. It's probably only because she makes him food for work. He's lucky she likes to cook. I definitely need to close those curtains, that sun is way too bright and I will never get to sleep with that glare in my face. I can't believe I still have my scrubs on. I am not moving from this bed though. I will just have to sleep in them tonight. Since I have off tomorrow I really don't think I will move from this spot. I wonder if Mark is going to come over tonight. I should call him after I sleep. Speaking of sleep I should probably get some now before George and Izzie get home.

Mark

I know I should call before showing up but I am pretty sure she's going to be sleeping. If anything I could just come back tomorrow since she has the day off. I really would rather see her tonight though. I just have to know what Derek said to her in that elevator. I don't trust him at all. I cannot believe the balls on Addison to all of a sudden pay attention to her. It pisses me off that they even came up to me and dared talk about my relationship. This hasn't been easy for Meredith or myself and they're just making it that much harder. At least she understands what I am going through. I am glad we are so much alike in that way. We are on the same wavelength emotionally and it really helps. This is definitely different than what I had with Addison. Thank god. This feels so much more natural. It just feels so right. Thankfully I am saying these things in my head and not out loud because I'd have to slap myself for being such a sissy. What can I say? She just makes me happy. There is nothing wrong with that…so I am beginning to learn.

"Here goes nothing." I hope I knocked hard enough. I don't want to ring just in case anyone is sleeping.

"Ah, Dr. Sloan!" How many times do I have to tell her to call me Mark outside of the hospital?

"Mark, Izzie, just call me Mark."

"Sorry, right, Mark. Meredith is sleeping but you can come in and go up if you want." I don't think I should. She may not want to be disturbed.

"No, that's alright, I'll just come back tomorrow." What's the matter with you? The real Mark Sloan would just go up there and have sex with her while she's barely awake. I am not familiar with this Mark Sloan that cares about others. I'm starting to scare myself.

"Don't be silly. I am sure Mer wouldn't mind at all. Come on in!" Wow she is really peppy. How the hell does she have all that energy all the time? I guess I am going upstairs. I don't know how I am going to go about doing this. Do I wake her up first or do I just lie down and go to sleep with her? I am pretty exhausted myself. I am so bad at this. I don't want to startle her. Once I get in there I am sure it will come to me.

"Mer?" Yeah way to go, dumbass, whispering her name is really going to get her attention. Do I really want to wake her? She looks so peaceful. There is no way I can wake her. She still has her scrubs on. She must have been really tired. She sucks, I want to be sleeping. I need to be near her. I'm going to do it. I am going to get in bed with her and that's all there is to it. She will have to push me out of the bed to stop me and I am so much stronger than she is.

Did she just groan? Oh crap I woke her up. "Mark?"

"Hey Izzie insisted I come up and wake you. I told her I would just come back tomorrow." Smooth thinking. Blaming Izzie. Pure genius. It's half her fault anyway.

"You just wanted to get in bed with me." She knows me too well even when she's half asleep. "I'm glad you're here." Why does that make me so happy to hear? "I had a strange day."

"Tell me about it. I was blind sided by weird behaviors of Addison and Derek."

"Oh you too? Yeah they both got me too." Addison too? I figured Derek would have tried to work his charm on her in the elevator but Addison stuck her nose in it too? That really ticks me off.

"What did Derek say? Will I have to kick his ass? He didn't try anything did he?" Shut up, Mark.

"He didn't try anything. I didn't even want to talk to him but he insisted. He wants to be friends and I said no because even in a friendship you need trust and I don't trust him at all. Then he was surprised that I trust you but seriously why wouldn't I?" She trusts me?

"I got the same crap from them too. They're so selfish. It's like they don't want us to be happy if we're not with them."

"We're lucky to have each other. I wouldn't be able to get through this without you." Say something nice back, you idiot. She just opened up. You have to say something back. Something from the heart for once, Mark.

"I'm just like you. I really never really had a good relationship with either of my parents. Derek's family was my family. After I slept with Addison and she left I was so alone. I started thinking that I didn't deserve…"

"I never was the kind of girl who got into a relationship. I am probably the female version of you. I would sleep with the first guy I saw just to numb the pain which ever pain that was at that specific time. When I met Derek things just happened so quickly. I thought he was it. I didn't even know what it was." I know exactly how she feels.

"I thought I knew…" I thought I knew what love was.

"I thought so too." I wonder if she feels the way I do.

"Thank you for showing me…" What it feels like to be loved.

"Thank you…you saved me." You have no idea. You saved me too. I think…I'm in love with her.

Meredith

Did someone just walk in? I can't open my eyes. Too tired. Ok that's not Izzie. She would definitely not get in bed with me. Ugh, I can barely see. Is that…"Mark?"

"Hey Izzie insisted I come up and wake you. I told her I would just come back tomorrow." Yeah I am sure Izzie just dragged you in kicking and screaming. Somebody missed me.

"You just wanted to get in bed with me." I didn't think I would be as relieved to see someone as I am right now. "I'm glad you're here. I had a strange day."

"Tell me about it. I was blind sided by weird behaviors of Addison and Derek." Him too? I wonder what the jackass said to him.

"Oh you too? Yeah they both got me too."

"What did Derek say? Will I have to kick his ass? He didn't try anything did he?" Which part should I tell him? He didn't try anything physically but definitely mentally. I am so glad I don't fall for that bullshit anymore.

"He didn't try anything. I didn't even want to talk to him but he insisted. He wants to be friends and I said no because even in a friendship you need trust and I don't trust him at all. Then he was surprised that I trust you but seriously why wouldn't I?" Should I have said that?

"I got the same crap from them too. They're so selfish. It's like they don't want us to be happy if we're not with them." He's happy? Happy with me?

"We're lucky to have each other. I wouldn't be able to get through this without you." Oh god I sound so stupid talking like that. It's true though and he deserves to hear it.

"I'm just like you. I really never really had a good relationship with either of my parents. Derek's family was my family. After I slept with Addison and she left I was so alone. I started thinking that I didn't deserve…" Of course you do.

"I never was the kind of girl who got into a relationship. I am probably the female version of you. I would sleep with the first guy I saw just to numb the pain which ever pain that was at that specific time. When I met Derek things just happened so quickly. I thought he was it. I didn't even know what it was." I can't believe I thought I loved him and he loved me.

"I thought I knew…" I thought I knew too. It turns out I had no idea until I met him.

"I thought so too." He makes me feel like I matter.

"Thank you for showing me…" I should be thanking you.

"Thank you…you saved me." Without him I would feel worthless. He has showed me that it's safe to open up. It is safe to finally love someone. I do. I love him.

The End.


End file.
